A loud knock on my door interrupted the noisy chatter of my guests and my nervous rushing about preparing the Christmas dinner. Wiping my hands on a dishtowel, I opened the door. My girlfriend Lisa, hugged me with her usual dazzling smile. Two men were climbing the stairs.

"Hi Sweetie, this my boyfriend, Claude and this is his best friend, Mark."

My heart jumped in my chest as I looked at the handsome, Mark Lisa told me about for two months. She was right, he was handsome. Mark nodded politely and I ushered the three into my crowded dining room. Excusing myself, I asked them to enjoy and mingle with the other guests. There was still a full night ahead of serving, hostessing and juggling many conversations and personalities. As the night progressed, I smiled at the joy of being a single woman with a gift of hosting great dinner parties. I had a fine array of wonderful friends who were mostly single and all had their own special camaraderie with me. After ten o'clock, I realized how smoothly the night went and realized it was time to get coffee and dessert ready. Everyone was having a good time and seemed ready to start winding down and getting ready to go home. I was just about to perk a pot of coffee and get dessert when I noticed Mark looking at me. I blushed and smiled at him, "Why don't we go into the living room for a few minutes while I wait for the coffee to brew and I can rest my feet a little". My sister, Leslie was already in the room and I pointed a spot on the couch next to me. He smiled again.

Mark was gracious and attentive as I related my reasons for having my annual dinner party. I loved treating my friends to holiday gatherings. I felt very comfortable as I shared about the safety of staying good friends with my male friends, no one could misunderstand or confuse intentions. We rejoined our other guests with dessert and promises to get together again soon. As the last guest left, Lisa and Claude invited Mark and me to see a local band. By now a light snowfall was falling. At first I declined the invitation, but then thought it would be nice to get to know Mark better. It turned out to be the best decision I ever made.

As the holidays came to an end, my little white calico, Baby-Baby's health took a downward spiral. Her cancer had spread and she was breathing with great difficulty. I shared my anxiety with Mark and he comforted me with his own similiar story of his cat, Smokette's battle with cancer. He had a gentle, compassionate way about him and seemed genuinely interested in me. I wasn't just an attractive new female friend, but my strong faith seemed to captivate him. Though Mark was still a new friend, he and my ex guitarist were the first I called when my little cat died in my arms that January night. That painful incident was the beginning of our special bond. Each time we spent together, I didn't want him to leave. I found myself thinking of him everyday, even as I mourned my little best friend of 16 years.

As the months went by and we spent more and more time togther, I realized how very special Mark was. I started to imagine what it would be like to spend the rest of my life with him and couldn't wait for the opportunity to tell him so. In April, the chance came. He invited me to his beautiful home on the lake in Browns Mills. My heart was pounding as we sat close to each other on the deck. The pastel blues and purples of the sky set the mood for our feelings. I lay my head on his shoulder and told him how much he was meaning to me and how I wanted to be with him exclusively. It was a rare and mesmerizing moment, having had ample time to ponder the depth of my feelings and commitment to him. I felt giddy as he mutually concurred his feelings. And so our sacred courtship began...and culminated into my long-held dream of marrying my soulmate.

I have enjoyed my life as a single and celibate Christian woman for nearly fourteen years. My focus has always been on soul-winning and evangelizing through my music outreaches, story-telling and performances in Christian situations and secular. At times, I would be overwhelmed by feelings of loving and nurturing a husband. I often pushed the feelings away because of bitterness, abuse and hurt from past relationships. An attractive man, who I though was a Christian would come into my life. He seemed to exhibit some qualities of the soulmate I thought God was sending me. My foolish flesh always seemed to fall for those talented musicians or guitarists who blazed spirituality and charisma. I dreamt of them performing with me on stage and being a part of my ministry. That's exactly what the Lord gave me. The relationship soon enough turned ugly as I found out that their response to me was based on getting their sexual desires met and them trying to remold me in their musical image. I was caught in a web of anguish, fighting to keep peace and uphold my sexuaul integrity. It was a stressful battle and I was unequally yoked. I've leaned the hard way to be sensitive to the Holy Spirit raising those red flags. Caution, patience and constant prayer were now my guides as I waited for the Lord to prepare me for my husband. My long wait paid off when I met Mark and we entered a covenant relationship. There was no question in my mind that this man was my God given soul-mate.

There are wonderful things about singleness-the freedom to come and go as you please, making all your own decisions and decorating your place your own way. Paul, the apostle says that there are more opportunities to be totally available for God's use, because there are less distractions. There are difficult aspects of singleness. though. This lifstyle, being faithful to a calling, meant living simply and in poverty. I could have chosen the way of corporate America, working the nine to five grind at a good company with benefits and overtime, but I chose instead to be free of the constricting constraints. I've lived my life on the edge, ,as an independant artist-musician since 1989. The feast or famine way has been at times desperate and lonely for me because of my many health challenges and no medical insurance. A supernatural faith in my Jehovah Jirah has been the my saving grace. I've always done my utmost as unto Him and He took care of the rest. Delayed gratification also disiciplined me to wait for things I needed rather than get in debt. God has always come through with a vintage, hand-me-down piece of furniture, thrift shop special outfit or sturdy, reliable car. God is good.

As a marrried gal now, my life has changed. I have an exquisite, breath-taking view of the lake from our bedroom deck. Our lovely home in the Country Lakes development of Browns Mills is in the fresh air of the Pinelands. It is peacful and quiet when I meditate in the morning. When I was single in my Bradley Beach apartment, I inwardly groaned about the ugly view as I gazed out of my dining room window. I saw the dull, shabby walls of the small businesses and a dirt parking lot gutted with holes. Often, my prayer time was interupted by loud traffic, the fire siren and people arguing and cursing from the houses and apartments surrounding my little apartement. What a change-what a 180 degree turn-around! I've come from rags to riches, from poverty to security, from rejection from many friends to utter devotion from one special man and from ashes to beauty.

My new life and new home was rebuilt with great sacrifice and labor. Little did my husband, Mark know at the time that he was building this home for his very appreciative and loving future wife! I remember fondly my first evening alone with him as he showed me his photo album. The pictures showed the difficult stages of renovating my future home. It was a dirty, time-consuming and thankless job and where his then fiance showed little support or encouragement. Even back then, I can can recall myself praying for my future husband, wherever he was. I prayed, God sustain my beloved husband, bless him and prepare us for joining together. As he tells me his story of renovating the house, all by himself, while working double shifts, my eyes fill with tears. He was just like my Papito. I wanted to marry this man!

Each morning I wake up, I pinch myself, still amazed that I have been so blessed, After so many years of suffering, what amazing garce and kindess my Father has bestowed upon me! My dream had come true. I now had a wonderful husband who cherished me. I would no longer have to be vulnerable, struggling and sickly. God had answered my prayers for a wonderful new thing in my life. I had no idea He would answer my prayer though in such a grand manner, but that is the way God is. He may make us wait for years or decades, but when he blesses with a long-held dream-He does it big!

Whoever you are and whatever you're suffering through, wait on the Lord. You will fly with wings as eagles and He will give you beauty for ashes.